Dangerous Love by Kate Lock

Author:Kate Lock [Kate Lock]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Ebury Publishing
Published: 2005-03-02T05:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER ELEVEN

TIM CAME ROUND the next day, bleary-eyed. ‘The house is like a prison,’ he said. ‘I can’t cope with being there alone. You’ve got to come back with me, if only for a few hours. I don’t know what I’ll do otherwise.’

I thought about the short time I’d spent with my family, the relief I’d felt at being back home. So much of the tension in my daily life had dissolved already. After the high-alert state I was always in with Tim, it still didn’t feel quite real. Relaxing, watching TV, eating Christmas cake – none of it seemed appropriate, like laughing after someone had died. Talking about my feelings felt equally disloyal. I knew Tim would brand me a traitor. I may have walked out, but his hold over me remained strong. When he said he was finding the strain almost impossible to bear, I knew what he was threatening. A familiar weight resettled itself on my shoulders. What had I been thinking of, imagining I could get away from him so easily?

The house was full of fresh flowers and there was chilled champagne in the fridge, as if this was some sort of celebration.

‘I’m not coming back to live with you,’ I said, as gently as I could.

He sat down heavily in a chair and put his head in his hands. For a moment I thought he was crying, but then he gave it a characteristic irritable shake. ‘I’m not going to pretend I understand your decision, because I don’t.’ He gave a sigh of resignation, as if being forced to indulge me. ‘I cannot comprehend how it has come to this, but I’ll accept your terms, because I love you and I need to go on caring for you. So long as you will agree to see me, I’ll back off. I won’t make demands.’ He held up his hands in an ‘I surrender’ gesture. ‘Do we have a deal?’

We had a deal. Another one. The next day, Tim came over to us and stayed most of the day. The day after, he came for tea and spent the evening playing cards with Mum and Dad and Auntie Anne and Uncle Martin. He and I were reserved with each other but he was very jolly with the grown-ups. I sloped off to watch an Ayckbourn play on TV but I could hear their laughter rising from the living room. It occurred to me that perhaps he needed the warmth of our family and our busy house more than me. If I felt aggrieved at him invading my space, it was tempered with a certain amount of relief. At least I could off-load some of the guilt about his well-being. Mum and Dad could look after him instead.

It was harder adjusting to life as a single woman than I’d thought. I missed the material benefits, particularly having a car – queuing in the cold for buses and then queuing in the dismal DHSS offices for my giro

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